What True Love Is
A soul mate is your true love. It is someone that you can connect with. Ideally, the person that you love is someone that causes you no pain. Of course, all of us have trouble trying to find the true soul mate. It is something that all of us try to look for. However, we end up being stuck in a relationship that does more harm than good. If you look at other relationships, you may find that people stay with someone for any number of reasons. They could be infatuated with that person, they could be hoping for that person to change, or they could be enjoying the financial stability. No matter how you look at it, if you do not change yourself and your environment, you may never find your true soul mate. There are a lot of things that you can do to change your situation.
Many people have different definitions of soul mates and true loves. Ideally, a soul mate is your other half. They could help you deal with life when you cannot deal with it yourself. They could give you the things that you are lacking in life. Your true love could be something entirely different. Many people mix love with infatuation. For example, I am sure that you have had a high school crush. In my own experience, I found my true love when I was fifteen. He was everything I could ever ask for in a person. He cared about me and he was attracted to me. He was funny and good looking, and he was not afraid to embarrass himself. Unfortunately, he had a problem with keeping himself for one female. This is a good example of the difference between true love and soul mates. Although he was my true love, he was not my soul mate. He caused me more pain than anyone else did. Even though I will always love him, the relationship was meant to be a disaster. If you can figure out the difference between true love and a relationship meant for happiness, then you can find the person that is for you.
Cleaning Up Your Life
The first step to finding your soul mate is to clean up your life. If your life is a complete mess, how do you expect to find anything? Imagine your life as a messy bedroom. You can probably find one sock, but you cannot find the other matching sock without actively cleaning the room first. Now, look around your room. Are there things that are stopping you from finding the other matching sock? Do you know what they are?
Cleaning up your entire life is an article in itself. Because of this, let us make the path to finding the other sock simple. Do you have any trash that you want to get rid of? If something is stopping you from being able to find your true soul mate, then you need to get rid of it. For example, if you are in a relationship that does not make you happy, you may need to get out of that relationship. Many people stay in abusive relationships for different reasons. This relationship may offer you companionship, sexual activity, fun, or simple financial stability. If it is not offering you what you really need, then it is not a healthy relationship. It is understandable if you feel like this person will be the only person that is willing to be with you. However, you do not deserve to be unhappy. One of the steps to finding true love is to get out of something that is harming you.
It is hard to let go of the past. Once you are out of a harmful relationship, it can be hard to pack up everything and let it go. This is something that you will have to do. If you are having a hard time letting go of the past, try doing one of the following:
- Try cleaning up your house. Do you remember the room that was mentioned earlier? If it is full of dirty old socks, how can you expect to find the other clean sock? Get rid of the painful memories. If you have an ex boyfriend’s old tee shirt, throw it out. If you still have old photos on your table, get rid of that as well. You might want to get rid of everything that once belonged to this person.
- It may also help you to find an online forum or blogging website. If you can open yourself up and get things off of your chest, you might find that you will be able to let go easier. Talk about the things that bother you. There are always other people that are in the same position that you are in. If this is the case, you might be able to get advice from others just like you.
Cleaning Up Yourself
Now that you have been able to clean up that room of yours, it is time for you to look at yourself. Before you can even begin to find someone of your dreams, you need to identify and recognize the things that are wrong with you. Honesty is the best policy, and if you cannot be honest with yourself, how can you be honest with someone else? If you have been in a previous relationship that did not do well, try recalling the negative things that they have said about you. These things about you may have been annoying, or downright unbearable. No matter what they thought, think about it. If you can remember everything, and I am sure that you can, now is the time to be honest with yourself.
Try making a list of things that they hated about you. As mentioned before, be completely honest with yourself. List things that went bad in the other relationship, and mention things that you think caused the relationship to go sour. An example of this list might be:
- I was too clingy for this person
- I wanted all of this person’s time
- I wanted too much from this person, and they could not cope
- I talked too much about myself
- I was too nosy about their time
- I was irresponsible
- I tried to change this person
- I asked too much about this person’s past
Your list might be long or it may be just a few things. However long it is, be honest with yourself. The reason why I am telling you to make a list of the negative things about yourself is quite simple. You may have noticed that when a relationship first starts out, all of your energy is spent focusing on the good things. Eventually, each person will begin to focus on all of the negative parts of the other spouse.
After you have looked at the list, focus on yourself. I am not telling you to change who you are. Some things you cannot change, like being talkative, funny, or too adventurous for that person. However, you can change how much you ask them about their past. If they have something bad hidden, it may be too painful to talk about. Do you remember the first love that I mentioned earlier? If you have someone like that, I am sure you do not want to go over the heartbreak to someone else about it until later on in the relationship.
Take a year to focus on yourself and try to change certain things that you do not need in your life. Change parts of your behaviour that is bad for a relationship and get rid of the extra baggage. Do not jump into the next relationship that comes along. If you know that you are not completely ready yet, just say no. If they were truly interested in you, they would understand. They might even help you get over everything in your past.
A New You, A New Relationship
After you have cleaned up your room, it is time for you to find that other sock. The first step is remembering what it looks like. Was it fuzzy and pink, or was it a simple ankle sock? In other words, try to figure out what it is that you are looking for in a relationship. You may want to write down a list of the qualities that you want. You may want to include:
- Political interests
- Musical interests
- Movie interests
- Entertainment interests
- Body type
- Piercing, no piercing
- Tattoos, no tattoos
- Religion preference
Once you have completed this list, organize it and rank it. For example, if religion is extremely important to you, put that at the top of the list. Additionally, if you do not want someone with tattoos everywhere and a facial piercing in four different areas of the face, this may want to be at the top of the list as well.
You may also want to include things that you lack in your criteria. For example, if you enjoy having a good time but you never really know where to go for fun, you might want to find someone who is easy going and knows how to live life. This does not mean you have to find someone that can replace everything that is missing in your life. You cannot rely on them to take care of you and you cannot rely on them to replace the missing parts in your life. It is not their job to fix you. Additionally, if they have a personality trait that you wish you had, do not date them for this simple reason. You cannot borrow personality traits, and you cannot make them fix you if you think you are broken. You are fine just the way you are. These mistakes often lead to a painful relationship on your part and on their part.
Once you have created your list, review it once more and figure out what things are expendable. You have maybe a one percent chance of finding someone that has everything that you listed in your criteria. Figure out what parts you would not mind someone lacking if you were to be in a relationship with you. For example, if someone has too many tattoos but they share the same core values with you, you might want to make their appearance expendable. Not everyone is perfect. If you finally find that other sock in your room, the sock should be okay even if it is a little wrinkly. As long as you have found that matching other sock nothing else should matter. This brings me to my next point.
Honesty Is the Best Policy
Everyone makes mistakes. It does not make them a horrible person, and it does not make them unfit to be with you. This goes vice versa as well. Before you even get too deep in a relationship, tell them everything that you think they need to know. Do you remember the list of bad things that we mentioned earlier? Now is the time to bring this up. Do not be afraid to be yourself. Do not hide the bad parts of you that you cannot change. In fact, go ahead and tell them that you may not be the most organized person in the world. If you smoke cigarettes, tell them that you do this and that you do not intend to quit.
As far as the big secrets go, tell them this as well. If you try to hide something, it will end up blowing up in your face later. Imagine if the relationship continues to grow and you have been hiding something. Eventually, they will find out. Once they do, they will be angry because of the truth and because of the fact that you purposely kept something from them. This is one of the worst things that you can do to someone. This is mainly because you were not afraid of keeping a secret. How can they trust you if you are not completely honest?
If you simply tell them everything before it gets too serious, they might understand. Many people respect honesty. They will give you a chance, as opposed to being angry eight months later.
This is vice versa as well. If your potential lover has managed to summon up the courage to tell you something about him or herself, do not make it a big deal. Try to understand their position. As mentioned before, everyone has made mistakes. If they are willing to tell you about it, this may mean that they have changed or they are trying to change. Additionally, they are showing that they have nothing to hide from you, and they are taking their relationship with you seriously. You should do the same, and you should try to be compassionate and open-minded.
Do Not Give Up!
Finally, do not be discouraged. Love is out there, and all you have to do is find it. Do not date multiple people at once in a frenzy to find them. Focus on one relationship at a time. If you are dating more than one person, you will not be able to give each person the attention that they may need. Remember that you need to put all of your energy into each relationship. If you do not try hard enough, how can you expect the relationship to work? You need to figure out if each person clicks with you. If they have some qualities that you do not like, try to figure out if it is something that you can live with. For example, if this person has a thing about sports, try to understand it even if you do not enjoy sports. On the other hand, if they drink too much or happen to like happy hour with certain drugs, this is something that you do not have to deal with. If you do not focus on each relationship, you will not be able to pay attention to the small details.
True love can be seen anywhere. That being said, do not be afraid to visit new places in search of what you want. If you are interested in music, go to a concert. You might be able to find someone who is just as interested in music. Try going to bookstores or different clubs. If you enjoy skydiving, golf, or even hockey, join a club. You can find anyone practically anywhere.
If you do the same thing that you did before, you are going to get what you got before.
When I say this, I mean do not go through the same routine. For example, if you met your last lover at a party, change up your scene and go somewhere else. Try to avoid dating the same person that you always fall for. Give people a chance if you normally would not give them a chance. You may get the unexpected. You may actually find that sock that you have been looking for.
Even if cleaning your room makes it the same place, it is always changing. There will be new environments, and you will buy new socks. Take the time to find the right one. If you know that one relationship is not going to work, do not be afraid to leave it and find someone else. Additionally, do not be afraid to leave your comfort zone. Try things that you have never tried before. Being single does not chain you to the ground. Now is the time to live your life and find true love in the process. Who knows? Maybe you will find someone just when you least expect it. No matter what you do, do not give up. That person is out there somewhere, looking for you when you are looking for them.
Now that you have cleaned up your life, you have room for true love. You no longer have to suffer with someone’s endless pain. You have made bad relationship mistakes in the past. Now is the time to learn from them. Do not get into the same situation that you were in before. If you know that you did something wrong in your previous relationship, change it. Be more thoughtful of their needs, and you will get the same type of treatment. Understand what true love is. Find someone who will truly love you for you. If someone cannot accept who you are or if you cannot accept who he or she is, then it is not a relationship that will work. You cannot change one another, so you may as well try to find someone that does not need to change. You are who you are, and they are who they are. There are no hidden signs.
Find someone who is willing to take the time to know you. Find someone who comes to see if you if you ask them to. Find someone who does the small things to show that they care, even if they have no money or no time to do anything. This goes for you as well. Take the time to understand them and listen to what they have to say. If you put enough time and care into the relationship, it may blossom into what you have been looking for all along. Relationships do not become perfect at the beginning. It takes work, and it requires two people. As long as you remember this, you will be on the path to a working relationship. You will be on your path to true love.
Now that you have cleaned your room, you can finally start finding that other sock. Good luck on your journey, and do not be afraid if it is a little wrinkled.