≡ Menu

How to be a Good Lover

To Build a Home

Falling in love may appear simple and splendid like the movies and songs portray, but the real struggle is presented by “staying” in love. What makes a relationship “work out”, what makes it flourish and blossom over time, offering a supportive and warm lifestyle that people covet? Falling in love is exciting and new each time, making it a highly sought-after ideal. It increases mental, physical and emotional health. But if a relationship begins to sour, all of those factors are affected whether directly or indirectly. We love for many different reasons: to feel accepted, to feel needed, to be comforted, and to fulfill financial need (sadly, in some cases), and perhaps even because it feels good.

No matter what the reasoning behind falling in love, there is usually a distinct method or path to take that keeps you “in love”. It’s like choosing to take a train from one place to another, but you have continuous destinations, each time readjusting to take something away from the ride. Although commonly known as a lightheaded, dizzy hearted state of being, love is a conscious decision that must be reapplied throughout the years you are together.

Many people miss this concept, thinking that love is going to be happy and blissful, the answer to already existent and future problems. It is an easy trap to think that once you have someone to share your life with, your load will get lighter. Certainly, having a companion to share life’s joys and troubles with is good, and there have been medical tests and polls that return the result that people who have firm, stable relationships are less likely to have extensive medical problems.

Sharing as One

Being truly in love is something you become as a couple, together. There has to be realism mixed with loving optimism, an openness about weaknesses but a gentle faith that the other individual can do better. It is a rough balance to keep, but is essential to making a relationship work beyond the first sparks. Because we are human and each have our quirks and things to work on, we need to go into the first throws of relationships with patience and great caution. If you think, “Oh, there is that one thing I can’t stand, but they’ll get rid of it over time…” you are barking up the wrong tree. People do not usually change but by subtle influences of acceptance and love. If you feel that your partner will later become more compatible, you are going to need a whole lot of luck to keep things going in the right direction.

Acceptance of one’s faults does not mean that you endorse their weaknesses; it means that you are willing to love them and encourage them to work on improving, but that it doesn’t affect your love. Parents are usually a good example of this kind of love. They know you are not fully developed and that you have the potential to overcome your childish foibles, yet they trust you to take specific steps to learn and to grow.

Keeping the Flame Alive

Several couples complain that the spark has blown out. Well, a flame has to have something to sustain it, whether it be oxygen or coal, or oil, there is always some method of reinforcement. A strong relationship is this way too. You need to find things, both large and small to keep the feelings fresh and bonding. Having a designated date night, or scheduling a lunch hour together during the hectic work day are highly recommended ways to help couples renew their attachment. It gives you time to talk about things that you can’t discuss in the few moments you see each other outside of bedtime. For couples with children, this is especially vital to keep your marriage running and to provide the best foundation for your family.


Selflessness is key to making a relationship work. This doesn’t mean that you let situations and your partner railroad over you in behalf of “the greater good.” There must be an equal portion of self-respect as well. People who learn to respect themselves AND to be willing to flexible in a relationship are much more apt to feel secure in their relationships. The bond can grow with the nourishment it needs. Make loving, daily sacrifices for your spouse or partner, no matter if it is as simple as doing the dishes or giving a back scratch, or best of all, listening to the things they are mulling over. People in a relationship value the ability to be heard, to discuss whatever concerns them. Not feeling judged or rejected is crucial to building trust between you.


Trust is fundamental. If you do not trust someone, you are not likely to feel safe sharing those deep and intense pieces of your heart and character with them. Focus on building integrity in your individual life. Integrity is where your words, actions and thoughts are aligned. If you are consistent on the little things, your partner can trust you to be so on the monumental things. You will not have problems with jealousy, faithfulness, and decision making, because you already trust them to make the right choices. Time tested love is supported by individual integrity and a devoted desire to move forward in the ways that are best for the both of you.


Over and over, marriage counselors drill the importance of open and frequent communication. The developments in today’s technology make contacting our loved ones incredibly easy. Talking through various mediums of communication during the day can help you feel connected and syncopated as a couple. Although high-tech methods like email, instant messaging, texting and cell phones can help you to have instance access to each other, it is important to take time for face-to-face communication. Easily we can go through a day, in our modern society, without having that deep interpersonal interaction that creates the unique facets of humanity.

Talk openly about your feelings, calmly and making time when you can give one another full attention. Being able to talk about everything effectively and compassionately makes it easier to stop arguments or misunderstandings before they happen. By listening at face value or by not assuming you know what the other is thinking before they convey it to you, both of you will learn to how to discuss any topic with clarity and competence. Gender gaps often lead to many dilemmas in relationships, although many can be overcome and conquered by adapting to a useful listening technique.


Beware of judgment. As a couple proceeds through day-to-day tasks, it is incredibly easy to fall into the pitfalls of critique and nitpicking. There are fundamental items that you must be aligned on, but the minor things often create “mountains out of molehills”. So what if he puts the toilet paper rolls on the wrong way? So what if she calls her mother twice a day? You build a companionship with those unique traits and learn to appreciate your quirks over time. If you don’t see eye to eye on a situation, talk until you both understand one another’s focus and be ready to compromise if need be. Being united is about giving and taking. Taking consideration of the other’s passion about something will help you to be empathetic towards their outlook. Focus on your strengths and encourage each other to overcome your weaknesses by distinct, obtainable steps, never focusing so much on changing that individual, but on supporting them as they move toward that change.

Share Goals

Become less dependent on friends and parents. In order to bind yourselves together, you need to make decisions and goals together. Shopping trips with your girlfriends or hunting expeditions with the guys are both fun and good on occasion, but the person you depend on and spend the most time with should always be your partner. It is much healthier for a marriage or dating pair to talk through their thoughts with their companion, rather than a secondary party. It makes it grating on a marriage to not have first priority discussion with your spouse, especially in the scenario that a wife calls her mother to complain about her problems, without also including her husband. You must take particular care to keep your connection as a couple as intimate and secure as you can, in order to nourish one another and grow closer as a couple.

Show Affection

Lastly, show your affection often and in a wide variety of ways. A gentle kiss goodbye at the beginning of a workweek may allow for a less stressful start. Holding hands and doors for each other in public places and at home shows that you value one another, whether people are looking or not. Consistently tell each other “I love you” and mean it. Make mental note of things you appreciate about the other and express it, in passing or with creative methods. It’s the little things that keep the spark alive. They do not have to be elaborate or expensive, just from the depth of your heart.

What Are Your Grounding Principles?

Practicing these principles has been a time-proven way to make love progressive and lasting. These things are preventive measures against an unhappy relationship, and if applied with determination and patience, the results will be unimaginably wonderful. Just ask the cute, elderly couples who walk hand in hand and never seem to see the wrinkles and years of hardship lined in the other’s features. People can experience true love in leaps and bounds that lead to crash course results, or with consistency and endurance that lead to lasting romance and happiness.

Every relationship is unique like a piece of art. And every relationship changes over time.

Think of some of your best memories and things that have bonded you deeper into your relationship.

What did they make you think of?

What can you do to bring those feelings alive?

Have any good ideas to share?

Please share them below!

{ 0 comments… add one }

Leave a Comment

Next post:

Previous post: