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Learning How to Understand, Accept, and Overcome Your Flaws

A flaw is a defect or a weakness. No one is perfect. We all have flaws that make us uncomfortable with ourselves. Some people are better at masking flaws. Others put their flaws out in the open and seem more comfortable with them. Some defects are easily remedied. However, it seems that the most hurtful flaws are those that are not easily fixed.

Because we live in global world where everyone’s livelihood depends on everyone else, we must get along with others to secure on own comfort. We must work at jobs where we communicate and depend on other people. We have families and friends that we live with and care about. Therefore, some of the biggest flaws to fix are those that damage our relationships with others, such as greed, selfishness, attention gluttony, and jealousy.


Have you ever had a friend or a partner who never shared with you? Of course you have. It was always about them and their needs. Whenever you needed a favor, they weren’t there for you. Chances are, you broke off the relationship, or else you were so unhappy with it that you didn’t often put yourself in the position of being near that person.

I believe that we’re all born with a certain amount of selfishness to secure our survival. One way to tell if you’re excessively selfish is to examine your thinking. Do you consistently think about yourself first in every situation? Do you always worry about others later or not at all? If so, then look around you. Do you have a strong network of friends and family? If not, then ask why. Have multiple people accused you of being selfish in the past? How did you react to it?

Once you’ve decided that you’re selfish, you can begin to work on fixing the problem. Try to go out of your way to help someone every day. If your friend has a problem that you are able to help with, do more than give them a sympathetic ear. Give them something that shows how much you care. In everyday situations, consider others needs as soon as your own needs pop into your head. Ask yourself if helping someone else would be more beneficial than helping yourself.

Attention Gluttony

I once had a roommate who was a glutton for attention. Every place we went, she needed to be the star. She needed to have all eyes on her. It got to the point that our circle of friends hated to go out with her. We knew she’d make a scene or steal someone else’s thunder. She even tried to upstage the bride at our mutual friend’s wedding.

One way to deal with attention gluttony is to ask yourself what you really need. Do you need to risk losing your friend’s friendship by making a fool of yourself at her wedding? Of course not. Ask yourself if the consequences of your actions are worth it. Why are you behaving this way? More than likely, you’re seeking attention as a result of something that has nothing to do with the situation at hand. You may feel insecure, so you try to boost your self confidence by getting people to look at you. There are plenty of places you can go for help. Talk to a friend about your problem, or contact a local guidance counselor’s office via your local community resources website.


I was once in a long term relationship with a man who couldn’t stand the idea that I had other friends. It hurt our relationship because whenever I wanted to go out with my girlfriends, he tried to bully me into staying home. I felt like he smothered me as a result of his jealousy and insecurity. He even made comments about how my duty was to spend time with him. He tried to convince me that my friends weren’t worthy of my friendship, which wasn’t true. He was afraid he’d somehow lose me to them, which was ridiculous. Needless to say, our relationship didn’t end well.

One way to deal with insecurity and jealousy is to find ways to build your self-confidence. Try to surround yourself with positive people, which is harder to do than you may think. We’ve all worked with and even lived with people who spread negative energy like a virus. Try to avoid being around them whenever possible. When you are surrounded by them, try to counteract their negative comments by making some positive comments and by thinking positive thoughts. I once had a friend who was boss at this. Someone would be in low spirits, and she’d look at them and say, “It’s never that bad.” She’d have this big grin on her face whenever she said it. She was right. People have a tendency to be overly dramatic, such as my ex, who actually believed that I would completely abandon him for my friends.

A way to deal with low self-esteem is to make friends with people who can recognize you for your achievements and positive attributes. Don’t waste time with negative people or overly positive people either. People who sugarcoat things can be just as damaging as those who see the glass half-empty. Sugar coaters create a fantasy world, and when you meet with straight shooters, it makes the truth even more difficult to hear. Instead, try to be spend time with realistic people who can occasionally give you a realistic compliment.

Negative Thinking

People who constantly think negative thoughts are definitely flawed. One way to know if you’re guilty of this is to look at your opinions and compare them with other people’s views. Are you always the one to see the dark side of things? Do people smile and seem excited to see you? If your opinion always reflects negativity and people are constantly reminding you to smile and look on the bright side of things, then you are probably a downer. People don’t smile when you come into the room because you bring negative energy with you.

One way to work toward fixing this flaw is to make a list of all of the things that please you about life. Chances are, you have more to be thankful for than you may realize. Think about the things that matter, such as a job and a supportive family. But don’t forget to include the little things on your list, too. Be grateful that you have a cool new haircut or that your friends remembered you birthday. The little things always add up. Hopefully, before long you’ll realize that things aren’t as bad as they seem.

If your attempts at thinking positive don’t help and you feel that you have a problem with depression, there are plenty of people you can contact for help. Call your local community counseling center and make an appointment to speak to someone about your problems.

Physical flaws

People are judged harshly in terms of physical flaws. Everyone wants to be perfect-looking. We live in a society where plastic surgery is on the rise and everyone seems to judge everyone else based on physical attributes. According to advertisements and testimonials, plastic surgery fixes physical flaws. But if you are someone who is not comfortable within yourself, there is no amount of plastic surgery or makeup or smoke and mirrors that will be enough to satisfy you. No one is perfect-looking. You may be a fine specimen to one person, but someone else may see you as no more than ordinary. You must learn to please yourself first. Love yourself, and then others will love you.

There are countless people who are obsessed with their looks. But if good looks are all you have to offer, what will happen when you’re old and grey and you’ve put all your eggs in the looks basket? There’s no fountain of youth that will render you forever young.

One way to know if you are overly obsessed with looks is to examine your grooming habits. Does it take you more than an hour to shower, dress, and groom yourself in the mornings? Do your friends and family constantly tease you about being high maintenance? If so, you need to realize that looks aren’t the only things that matter.

One way to get over your obsession with looks is to make a point of noticing other things about acquaintances besides their looks. At a party, instead of focusing on who has the cutest outfit or the nicest body, try to focus on people’s facial expressions and conversation. What does each person have in common with you? Are they a stimulating conversationalist? Are they considerate of other people’s feelings? If so, then you’ve met what can potentially become a new friend, regardless of what this person looks like. Remember, the best-looking people are not necessarily the kindest ones or the most interesting.

Once you’re able to stop being so judgmental of others, you will begin to look at yourself differently. Do you want people to notice you and talk to you based on how you style your hair or how much you weigh? If you do, then you’re in for superficial relationships that probably won’t last long.

Use the above suggestions as guidelines for improving your flaws. Try to pick one or two things to focus on at a time. You’ll never achieve perfection, but you can make a difference in your life.

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